Sexual esteem, part 5 – sharing your sexual shame

Imagine that you had a list of everything about your sexual history that you’re ashamed of. Would you ever share it with anyone?

My name is Jean Franzblau with “Sexual Esteem with Jean” and we’re deep into a process called “The Sexual Shame Inventory.” The Sexual Shame Inventory can include things that have happened to you, things that you have done and even things that you have thought.

The next step is the find a safe person with whom to share this list. Why would you share this list with anyone? There’s a great saying in 12-step recovery programs: You’re only as sick as your secrets.

Who in your life is a great listener? Who can handle hearing specifics about your sex life? Who can you trust to hold this information sacred and confidential?

Let’s say you’ve asked the right person and that person has said yes – what next?

Set aside some time for the experience and give yourselves some privacy and quiet. Coach your listening buddy not to give you advice about what you’re sharing – their one important function is to listen. Ask the person to simply say “thank you” after each item on the list.

I encourage you to be really gentle with yourself. You could share items on your list for just five minutes and check in with how you are feeling. Breathe. Take breaks. Do what you need to do to respect that fact that this can be a life changing process.

Good luck sharing your Sexual Shame Inventory. The next video in this series will explain the final step in the process.

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